Confirmation

It's pretty amazing how He speaks to us.  Yesterday I posted about the darkness I was once in, that my marriage was in.  Late last night I was on Pinterest searching for studies to begin, studies to help me become more disciplined in my Bible time.  One of the websites I found suggested beginning with 1 John so this morning that's where I went and lo' and behold I found this...


    This is the message which we have heard from Him and declare to you, the God is light and in Him is no darkness at all.
    If we say that we have fellowship with Him, and walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth.
    But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His son cleanses us from all sin.


1 John 1:5-7


Such truth.

The Gift.

It still amazes me daily what we learn from the most painful situations in life.  Whether it be death, divorce, loss a of job, infidelity...whatever the case may be, they hurt.  They hurt on a level that can shatter the strongest of hearts.  It takes us to a place that feels so deep and so heavy, as if at any second you could break.  We've all been there.  Some more often than others.  

This pain has once again seeped it's way into our lives.  It hit close to home.  Our story, our pain, our trials are unfolding before our eyes, only to someone else.  The words "break my heart for what breaks yours" have never been so clear to me as it was in the moment the news was released.

Words are simply words right now.  They can bring a temporary smile.  They can help you muster the strength to pull yourself out of bed in the morning.  They can provide love and comfort to distract.  What they cannot do is take away the sting of those words.  Those very words of, "I love you, but I'm not in love with you".  They cannot rid you of the darkness.

Darkness is a crazy little thing.  It can either rock your faith or strengthen it OR in my case, help you find it.  My darkness left me reaching for something to cling to. Something to keep afloat.  My darkness led me to Christ.  My darkness was my gift.  

Meet my "little" Aniya! How adorably cute is this little girl?! We had so much fun roller skating last night.

Habitat Saturday!

Saturday I spent my morning with my fellow Sunshine workers at the local Habitat house.  We managed to paint (second coat) this house in about an hour.  All hands on deck makes for serious progress.  It's a good thing too because 2 hours into our day the weather went sour and it began POURING down on us.  Fortunately we were able to move our crew inside.

It's a common misconception that Habitat houses are free to the owners but that's not how it works at all.  Recipients are required to come up with a down payment, put in so many sweat equity hours and they have a mortgage to pay just like me & you.  It's really a great program and I've enjoyed watching this project progress.

 Last time I was here we installed insulation and it was COLD out.  It was neat to see finished walls, tiled flooring and a front porch!  I was also able to meet and work right alongside the recipient of this very house.  I pray great things to come for her and her children.  Here's a little pic from the first time I was here with my sisters. ------------------------->

Share the Road!

For those that know me, you know I cycle.  It's a passion that was passed on from my darling hubby. I recently received the raddest bike from him as a gift and I've been putting the miles in whenever I can (and the weather cooperates).

Cycling is so therapeutic.  It takes me places physically and mentally that a car just can't.  However, it can be incredibly dangerous as well.  I stick to the road, so far, and that tends to make it even worse as I'm dealing with cars/trucks.  I live in a town that is not well educated on the "share the road" movement.  They hear that and think strictly motorcycles.  If the only knew this applies to bicycles as well I would have a lot fewer close calls.  

I can't even count the amount of times the hubs and/or I have been... 

1. Honked at.  Do you realize how scary this is when a vehicle comes from behind at 60+ mph and you're not expecting it?  It's LOUD & frightening...enough to make a cyclist wreck.  
2. Cussed and/or yelled at (awesomeness & classy)
3. Driver giving you ZERO extra space. "Hey buddy, you're going 60 mph in a VEHICLE, do you realize what draft that produces?  When you give me zero space I become a kite in your draft"
4. Stuff thrown at us.  Luckily this only happened once to me and it hit my helmet.  What is wrong with people?!

It really is as simple as this...

1. Treat me as another vehicle
2. It's okay to pass a cyclist, with CAUTION!  see #1
3. Think of it this way, if you saw a cop and/or car pulled over on the side of the road, you give them the lane, correct?  Give me the same courtesy.  Yes, I ride close to the road.  There is a very good reason I do! (but I won't bore you with it)

You see, cyclists have the right to the whole lane!

I do encounter a lot of very polite and courteous drivers that do the right thing but it's the ones that don't that could one day ruin an entire family's life, as well as their own.  Stepping off my soap box now but I'll leave you with this...

""Little" Number Two

In Sept 2014 I was matched with my first "little" through the Big Brothers Big Sisters program.  She was super shy and rather hard to get to know but slowly we were getting to know each other better.  Arranging events/time with my little was challenging and often frustrating.  Unfortunately, she moved twice within the few short months we were matched.  Eventually they up and moved out of the city and didn't tell me until I called to pick her up.  This ended our match.  To be completely honest I was okay with the match ending.


Being a "big" can be frustrating at times and to be honest I was struggling with my match. It wasn't her, it was me.  I wasn't sure I was ready for such a big responsibility.  I was struggling with how hard it was to get her to open up or express/share anything with me.  Maybe it wasn't the right match?  Maybe I was still being too selfish with my time? Whatever it was, I'm not entirely sure, probably a mix of a lot of things. I'm sad to see my "little" being moved from house to house, school to school, city to city.  It's not good on her.  I know a stable figure and role model is something this girl needs more than most kids. 


I took a break from BBBS for a couple months to regroup.  I thought long and hard about whether I even wanted to give it another shot.  It boils down to this, these kids need my time more than I do.  I can help. I can give them something they can depend on.  I can add smiles and laughs to their days.  I can do this.  I want to do this.  So I shall.


I received my "little" bio today.  Match #2 coming soon!

Rolling Right Along

Our family is hoping to participate in a mission trip this Fall.  Our pastor ended the Sunday lesson a few weeks ago with a quote that resonated with me.  I'm sharing it with you in hopes that you too will not only read it, but genuinely feel it as I did.  

Wiping Off The Dust

WOW! It's been an entire year since I've posted on what once was a weekly, sometimes daily, life journal.  I couldn't even recall the password!  I was locked out of my own account.

So here I am, back at it.  I'm hoping to be a little more disciplined from here on out.  So much has changed, yet so much has stayed the same.  Post surrogacy life was quite a change for me in the beginning.  Who was I?  For so long, I had been "a surrogate" and right along with wife and mother the title had been a huge part of who I was.  It directed what I did, what I ate, what I said. Now I was minus that title, or was I?  It's permanently engraved on my heart but the responsibilities have escaped.

So what's life like now?  After about the first month things slid right back into place.  I'm not even sure how it's possible to forget but I do!  I forget.  I forget that one short year ago I was pregnant. I forget that one short year ago this wild ride reached it's climax.  I forget on a regular basis.

Fast forwarding to the now...this my friends is where a new adventure begins.  What it will be...I'm not certain.  Where it will lead...who knows but Let's Go!  I could go on and on about the wonderful things that came from my surrogacy experience but my favorite (next to Graham himself of course) is the lesson to do less dreaming and more doing.  So that's exactly what I'm doing, changing all those I'd Love To into I DID!  

Full steam ahead...