Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Week 24

I'm working on convincing D to do a posting on this blog.  I think it would be great for others to hear his perspective on everything.  He has his hands full with his current hobby and blog right now so it may take a lot of encouragement but I'm not giving up! 

During the ultrasound they discovered the placenta is sitting right up front, directly behind my belly button.  It made sense of the weird kicks I've been feeling in that area.  They're nothing like the other kicks.  Imagine laying on a water bed and someone is on the under side of the water filled section kicking it.  It doesn't feel like a direct jab.  It's more of a spread out rippling effect.  It's dispersed like an echo in a tunnel.  Therefore, I feel it not in one specific spot but sort of all over the front. 

I made it through the night without the leg cramps!  I celebrate the small victories ;)

Monday, October 28, 2013

Sonogram Update

Well here HE is, in all his glory.  I still can't get over how cool it is to be able to say HE! He wasn't a bit shy.  Ultrasounds have come so far.  We saw so much more than D & I did 9 years ago with our youngest.  The tech zoomed in on his carotid artery, brain, heart, tiny little ribcage, and lots of other really cool stuff.  The image of his foot had to be my favorite.  He was a very active little guy that weighs over a pound now.  
I may have let out a little yelp of excitement when the tech scanned the baby for gender.  She didn't even have to be the one to tell everyone.  It was as clear as can be.  There was a tiny part of me that was really hoping for a boy for E&G.  I know I'm biased but I think little boys are so much fun.  They're full of personality and energy.  I also loved the idea of their little one carrying on G's family name as well as being the first grandson!
He is measuring in a week ahead of our Feb 27th date but my doctor said it wasn't a signicant enough change to warrant changing the due date.  Had he chosen to, it would now be Feb 20th.  As long as he's healthy and fully developed, sooner would be great.  If I remember correctly the dr also said that if around 37 weeks I'm starting to show signs of progress he will go ahead and schedule an inducement at 39 weeks. 
My weight is up to 150 lbs and dr seemed pleased with it.  The leg cramps I've been experiencing (in the middle of the night) are a symptom of pregnancy and he suggested compression socks and elevating my feet in the evenings.  The Braxton Hicks contractions are still coming and going with no pain or consistency.  Luckily no swelling in my feet at this point.
Overall, it was a great day with E&G and it was incredibly sad to see them leave.  D even admitted to how much he already missed them.  I look forward to reconnecting with them again before delivery day.  These two people have such a special place in our hearts.  They'll never know how much they've changed our lives and shown us a whole new kind of love.  A kind of love that very few people will get the opportunity to experience.   

Thursday, October 24, 2013

They're coming to town!!!

Tomorrow is the big day!  Well, not the BIG day but it's sonogram time!  So excited to have E&G coming to the appointment and most importantly finally meeting the hubs in person.  He comes off as quite the sarcastic person, and believe me he is, but I think people are surprised at how shy he can be in person.  Same goes for me. 

So, our day starts with a labor & delivery tour as well as a little paperwork.  I imagine it'll be a good Q&A session as well since the hospital hasn't had a surrogate deliver there before (that they can recall).  So cool that we'll get to be the first!  I'm all about coloring outside the lines and getting off the beaten path. 

Later on in the afternoon is the big sonogram.  Boy?? Girl??  Throw your guesses in now!  I've been leaning towards a girl but it's purely a guess, an uneducated guess at that.  I know they're going to be thrilled either way so it's a win-win scenario.  I'm anxious to see exactly how big Baby B is right now.  The dr gave me us an expected due date of Feb 27th but knowing the exact transfer date it would actually put us at Feb 25th, I think. 

And finally, after the sonogram, E&G will get to meet my dr for the first time.  There's never any guarantee that he'll be the one to deliver but I've been very fortunate.  He was on call when both of my boys were born.  I'm hoping for the same luck this time around.

I look forward to updating the results soon!  Hang tight.

Monday, October 21, 2013

That question

As my surrrogacy journey becomes more and more public, I always get asked that inevitable question, "How are you able to give the baby up after carrying it for nine months?".  It comes in different fashions, different wording, different circumstances but it always boils down to that question.  I'm not going to lie, sometimes it's hard to not take offense to being asked that.  But in the same breath, I get it.  I understand their curiosity. 

Let me start by saying being a surrogate is never to be taken lightly.  If you're not mentally stable and secure with your standing in life then by no means is surrogacy for you.  If you have any doubts as to whether or not your family is complete, surrogacy is not for you.

Now, on to answering that question to the best of my ability...

I've tried to explain to others that I simply cannot give away something that wasn't mine to begin with.  Unless they travel down our road, they'll never truly get it. Judgments have been made against my decision and I accept that. I can't say I understand, but I accept. I know of no other surrogates, in real life, therefore I'm not sure how they would even know what it's like in order to form a judgment. All I can do is to simply ask the Lord to soften their hearts.    

Becoming a surrogate I knew from day one that making a bond or connection with the baby I would be carrying would be the biggest concern.  My approach...do everything in my power to make certain this baby is given the best care while in my womb while maintaining a different sort of relationship.  I guess you could say it's an aunt, uncle, or possibly even big sister sort of relationship.  I will always care about this child and his/her wellbeing but I haven't allowed myself the connection I made with my own children.  I've kept myself emotionally guarded in a way that protects both myself and this child. 

D & I didn't create this child through our love.  This baby is a result of a deep love between E&G.  Yea, so maybe it wasn't done in what society would label as the "typical way" but I can assure it was done with that same deep love.  I enjoy watching their love for Baby B grow daily.  It keeps it very real as to whose child this is.  It fills me with excitement for the day they can all be reunited.  I'm simply the vessel that was chosen to get them to that day.

I don't believe I even did this question justice in this blog entry.  It's so hard to put so many emotions, thoughts and feelings into words.  Sometimes I wish people would leave that question out of the conversation.  Honestly, think about it...would I have become a surrogate without asking AND answering that question for myself?   No worries my friends, I've got this :)

Friday, October 18, 2013

A Little Emotional Today...

My kids are fortunate enough that it works out perfectly for me to drop them off at their schools on my way to work every morning.  D and I were just talking about how fortunate they were to not have to get up super early in the morning to catch the school bus.  I can recall missing the bus so many times as a kid because it just came too darn early.  I'm not an early morning person by any means.  However, allow me to sleep until 9 or 10 am and I'm good to go.

As I was dropping C off at middle school today I got a little choked up.  My emotions have been harder to express since I became pregnant.  I've always considered myself a pretty emotional person but something about being pregnant has really roped in my emotions.  Anyhow, I was watching him walk into the building this morning and thinking to myself, "When did this happen?!  When did he grow up on us and where has the time went?"  Tears started to well up and I drove away before I embarrassed him or myself.

If I could offer a little piece of advice to E&G from experience, I would say...do not wish away a minute of time.  I know that sounds pretty common sense and who in their right mind would wish away time with their child, right?  What I mean is, when it's month 2, 3 or 4 of nonstop early morning cries and diaper changes and you're completely exhausted from juggling work and taking care of the baby, you will be tempted to say, "I cannot wait until we're past this stage".  From someone on the other side, believe me, you can wait and even more than that, you will miss this.  I promise.

To be honest, those were very exhausting/trying times but they were also some of the best bonding moments with my children.  They adored their mom and dad and nothing was more soothing to them, or to us, than cuddling.  Those times are now gone.  My heart holds onto those memories but as time passes it's harder to remember them. 

Now, I have a teen that rarely allows me to hug him.  He thinks he doesn't need me as much anymore but I would argue that until my last breath.  It has slipped through my hands quicker than I could even realize it was happening.  He's a great kid and he means no harm to mom's feelers.  He's just simply growing up. ((Sigh)).

Thursday, October 17, 2013


Lots of changes going on lately with this pregnancy.  Those wonderful Braxton Hicks contractions have started.  Don't worry, they're completely normal.  You can read more about them here.  They're completely painless but they definitely get my attention.  Too bad the ones during real labor couldn't be the same.  Those contractions are a level of pain that I cannot even express in words.  They made me puke.  Can you say epidural?!  Yes, please.   

The once soft, fluttery kicks are much stronger now.  I'm beginning to see not just kicks but actual movements.  The other night my stomach looked like a waterbed.  I wonder what little Baby B was up to.    

Everyday around 2:30 I hit a wall.  I'm overcome by a terrible case of drowsiness.  It's not the I sure could use a nap right now kind of sleepy.  It's the kind in which you feel like you've been up for 2 days straight without any sleep at all.  My head feels heavy and my eyelids want so badly to close.  My family used to walk from 7 pm to 7 am in the Relay 4 Life (cancer benefit walk) and that is the only time I can recall feeling this tired before. 

I'm really looking forward to the Holidays to help pass the time by.  It's a nice distraction from the timeline that still awaits.  It's great being over halfway there but knowing this baby won't be coming until 2014 makes it seem so distant still.  And of course it doesn't hurt to know the Holidays mean extra time with family and great food.  I love how Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas and the New Year all seem to run together.  Remind me of this when Christmas starts to roll around and I'm stressing due to my guaranteed procrastination.            

Here's a pic from Halloween either 2011 or 2012, I can't recall.  The hubs (in black shirt) was Billy the Exterminator while I chose Where's Waldo.  Funny how well J's camo costume blended him in with the yard.  And that would be C, our oldest, on my right.  It's amazing how fast he has grown.  He is now taller than me! The rest of the gang is our wonderful nieces and nephew. 

We're working on ideas for 2013....


Friday, October 11, 2013

Week #21

Want to see what a baby kick looks like?  I've been getting a lot of them lately.  Baby B is becoming very active.  It's a great feeling to feel the kicks and know he/she is getting bigger and stronger every day.  Only two more weeks until IPs get to the feel the kicks for themselves.  Crossing my fingers that these videos loaded properly.  I took them last night while laying in bed.  Please ignore the chaos in the background.  My children were having a Nerf sword fight :)

I really should stop taking these baby bump photos in my messy closet.  The other option would of course be to straighten the mess up but I won't kid myself into believing that's going to happen any time soon. 

Monday, October 7, 2013


So, I finally came out on Facebook.  I can't think of a more fitting time than our halfway mark.  Such wonderfully positive responses too.  It really warms my heart.  Sometimes the responses become overwhelming.  I'm gaining so much emotionally and spiritually from this experience that I feel guilt for being praised.  I'm not one for having much focus on myself.  It's actually pretty uncomfortable for me.  I'm shy.  I'm nervous.  I'm awkward, lol.  I'm still trying to figure out daily how to process this new place I'm in.  One day at a time, right?

Our bed finally arrived!  After a week of swapping between J's bed and the couch I will finally be back to sleeping in my own bed.  My must have for right now...lots of pillows.  It makes for a night and day difference in my sleeping. 

On the non-surro side of things, my 15 year high school reunion is this weekend.  How did 15 years go by already?     

The fam and I had a nice family day on Saturday.  That's all it takes to fill this girl's heart up.  It was a great day roping ourselves back in and focusing on what matters the most. 

One last bit of good news.  I'm getting baptised!  I was raised in the Methodist church and baptism was something that took place as an infant.  While I respect the Methodist faith, I feel that was more of a choice being made for me by my parents.  I've come to a place in my life that I willing, able and so very ready to make that decision for myself.   So here goes!


Tuesday, October 1, 2013

On a Roll

Two posts in a row, this could be a new record for me!

Last night in casual conversation I asked C if anyone has asked him yet if his mom is pregnant.  I wasn't too surprised when he responded yes.  Of course I then had to ask what his repsonse was.  The conversation went something like this (keep in mind C is a teenager):

Me:  So, has anyone asked if your mom is pregnant?
C:    Yea, "J" asked me if you were having a baby or something.
Me:  Haha.  So what did you say?
C:    Well, I said yea
Me:  Is he wondering if it's your sibling?
C:    Yea, he asked if it was my little brother or sister
Me:  Well, how did you answer that?
C:     I just said well, it's sorta complicated
Me:  And you left it at that?!
C:     Yea

Heaven only knows what his friend is thinking!  I think it's time to start explaining things to more people.  Even J's best buddy's mom has given me the look of "are you?" but hasn't asked the question yet.  I guess I just assumed people would ask and then I would share my story.  It hasn't happened that way AT ALL.