Monday, October 21, 2013

That question

As my surrrogacy journey becomes more and more public, I always get asked that inevitable question, "How are you able to give the baby up after carrying it for nine months?".  It comes in different fashions, different wording, different circumstances but it always boils down to that question.  I'm not going to lie, sometimes it's hard to not take offense to being asked that.  But in the same breath, I get it.  I understand their curiosity. 

Let me start by saying being a surrogate is never to be taken lightly.  If you're not mentally stable and secure with your standing in life then by no means is surrogacy for you.  If you have any doubts as to whether or not your family is complete, surrogacy is not for you.

Now, on to answering that question to the best of my ability...

I've tried to explain to others that I simply cannot give away something that wasn't mine to begin with.  Unless they travel down our road, they'll never truly get it. Judgments have been made against my decision and I accept that. I can't say I understand, but I accept. I know of no other surrogates, in real life, therefore I'm not sure how they would even know what it's like in order to form a judgment. All I can do is to simply ask the Lord to soften their hearts.    

Becoming a surrogate I knew from day one that making a bond or connection with the baby I would be carrying would be the biggest concern.  My everything in my power to make certain this baby is given the best care while in my womb while maintaining a different sort of relationship.  I guess you could say it's an aunt, uncle, or possibly even big sister sort of relationship.  I will always care about this child and his/her wellbeing but I haven't allowed myself the connection I made with my own children.  I've kept myself emotionally guarded in a way that protects both myself and this child. 

D & I didn't create this child through our love.  This baby is a result of a deep love between E&G.  Yea, so maybe it wasn't done in what society would label as the "typical way" but I can assure it was done with that same deep love.  I enjoy watching their love for Baby B grow daily.  It keeps it very real as to whose child this is.  It fills me with excitement for the day they can all be reunited.  I'm simply the vessel that was chosen to get them to that day.

I don't believe I even did this question justice in this blog entry.  It's so hard to put so many emotions, thoughts and feelings into words.  Sometimes I wish people would leave that question out of the conversation.  Honestly, think about it...would I have become a surrogate without asking AND answering that question for myself?   No worries my friends, I've got this :)

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