6 Days Left

I apologize up front if this sounds like my very own pity party but I do promise I have a much better attitude and hold on it this morning.  Yesterday, not so much. 

Here's how yesterday's appointment went, in a condensed version...

Doctor walks in and first words, "Hello, Jennifer.  Looks like you'll be done next week.  Your bloodwork is scheduled for Tuesday and C-section on Wednesday."

I obviously had a deer in headlights look on my face because he said, "Didn't they tell you?".  Uhh, NO!  Last visit I was under the assumption I could think over the option for an ECV (turning the baby).  To which he quickly informed me he thought I didn't want that so he didn't take it into consideration.  All I said last week was that I wasn't sure I could handle that and he said, "of course you can".  He then tells me that it's a little late to attempt it and we should've tried at 37 weeks when the baby had more room to turn if he was able to.  At this point he was fairly certain his attempt at an ECV would be unsuccessful.  So, the option was totally off the table now.  Just great. 

I've come to accept the fact that this is what needs to be done and there's a reason it has come to this.  I must simply trust.  That's where I am at now, trusting.  And in turn, I'm beginning to allow myself to get excited.  We have a concrete plan.  We have a DATE!!!  On February 26th Graham will be arriving via C-section. 

There's only one thing that could affect this date and that is if my water breaks or I go into labor before the 26th.  My doctor explained that typically when a baby is breached, or even in proper head down position, and your water breaks the baby drops and the head or butt compresses on the opening of the cervix preventing the umbilical cord from slipping through.  When baby is laying sideways and the water breaks, the cord could slip down and through the cervix causing a life threatening situation.  The one thing I do have going for me that leads him to believe this wouldn't happen is that my cervix is closed tight, no dilation at all.  He checked yesterday.  If my water is to break or I go into labor before the 26th then I am to head to hospital right away and a C-section would be performed that day.

Here's a pretty good video about the C-section procedure if you're interested in watching but I must warn you it is graphic so watch at your own risk.  http://bcove.me/54by7fuo  I've heard stories of other's C-sections but I wanted to actually see it for myself so I googled.  Yes, I google and I google often. 

I know I'll be scared the day of but I'm more concerned about my husband!  We've had the discussion and he confided in me that he didn't think he could get through it without passing out.  He wants so badly to be there for me and I want him there as well but we're both scared.  The last thing either of us need is additional worry that day.  I really don't want to get my hopes up but we're going to try to sweet talk the nurses or someone into sweet talking my doctor into allowing us to sneak Graham's mom (or dad) into the operating room with us.  I know the odds are stacked against us but we'll never know if we don't at least ask.  Knowing our situation I pray that they have a little extra compassion and understanding that day.    

There's more to how I'm feeling emotionally about this but it's not the most positive, uplifting attitude to have and I'm trying super hard to squash it.  So far so good.