Friday, June 21, 2013

Coming Out

So it's officially official now.  Up until this point this has been my precious little secret that I have treasured keeping to myself.  So far I've only told the people in my life that have in one way or another been a support system to myself or my family.  I shared with the people that I felt safe handing over my secret to.  These past few days I've felt so selfish in wanting to keep everything so quiet.  Here's why... 
My agency posted this photo on their FB page a few weeks ago and it broke my heart.  The colors on the states represent how surro friendly each state is.  Green being the best then bright yellow...darker my state...bright red.  Clearly there needs to be more education and a stronger push for Surrogacy rights.  This brings me back to the selfish feeling I've been struggling with.  This surrogacy has become my passion in such a way that I want to be a voice for other surrogates and other parents struggling with infertility.  Here's my opportunity to be a voice!  Yet, I'm scared.  Once I chose to go public it will mean I need to have the answers.  Very few people understand the process and they're full of questions, which by the way is wonderful.  I actually welcome questions from those who are genuinely interested.  But, I want to have the best possible responses I can.  So far I've had nothing but positive reactions but I know the negative reactions will be there.  How will I handle that?   
Up until this point I have guarded my secret for fear that I would have to retract my words if something were to go wrong.  I've slowly started to entertain the idea of coming out.  I know this has to happen if I'm going to educate others.  I guess this blog entry is my little way of talking myself into the courage...the courage to be more open and willing to speak about my journey.  But right now, my mind is set on waiting for the first sonogram before sharing with too many others.  I need some of the unknowns to be answered before I can fully share my story.           

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