The waiting game in life is never usually enjoyable. The waiting game to know whether your body is creating life or not turns into mental torture. Everything you do, say, feel...it all plays mind games with you. Every little cramp or strange feeling instantly starts to bring all sort of thoughts through your head. Oooh, oooh, is it attaching...is that the pain? Or is it just the opposite? Is this the beginning of a failed attempt? I find it incredibly difficult to focus on much of anything else lately. It's the most challenging when I'm alone. At home with the hubs and kids around there's enough distraction to take my mind elsewhere and give me a little mental relaxation. Being a first time surrogate there really is no way to fully prepare yourself for such a situation. Of course I did the research and continue daily to soak up as much information as I can but you don't know the impact it will have upon you until you get your feet wet. I've told myself I can look at this one of two ways. 1) I feel isolated and lonely. No one "gets" the serious roller coaster that my mind is on right now, not to mention my hormones....OR.... 2) How insanely fortunate am I?! How many people do I know that get to take a journey like this...highs and lows included. I choose the latter.
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