Meow

Yep, this is how I'm feeling today.

J has been begging us lately for a kitten.  School is out in about two weeks and he has maintained A's all year long so we caved.  Allow me to introduce Slugger.  He is a ball of fun. I love how cats don't need constant attention and affirmation.  They're low maintenance and I love it!  They just like to do their own thing and when they feel like it, they'll cuddle or play but until then, back off.  I can respect that.  I dig it.

What I've heard about cats...they can be jerks.  This is true.  Last night (while I attempted to sleep) this little one decided to walk back and forth and back and forth and back and forth over my head.  At some point he also decided to hop all around the bed.  I have no idea why.  He crossed the line when he started biting my ear.  WTH?!  Seriously.  Cats are jerks.

Confirmation

It's pretty amazing how He speaks to us.  Yesterday I posted about the darkness I was once in, that my marriage was in.  Late last night I was on Pinterest searching for studies to begin, studies to help me become more disciplined in my Bible time.  One of the websites I found suggested beginning with 1 John so this morning that's where I went and lo' and behold I found this...


    This is the message which we have heard from Him and declare to you, the God is light and in Him is no darkness at all.
    If we say that we have fellowship with Him, and walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth.
    But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His son cleanses us from all sin.


1 John 1:5-7


Such truth.

The Gift.

It still amazes me daily what we learn from the most painful situations in life.  Whether it be death, divorce, loss a of job, infidelity...whatever the case may be, they hurt.  They hurt on a level that can shatter the strongest of hearts.  It takes us to a place that feels so deep and so heavy, as if at any second you could break.  We've all been there.  Some more often than others.  

This pain has once again seeped it's way into our lives.  It hit close to home.  Our story, our pain, our trials are unfolding before our eyes, only to someone else.  The words "break my heart for what breaks yours" have never been so clear to me as it was in the moment the news was released.

Words are simply words right now.  They can bring a temporary smile.  They can help you muster the strength to pull yourself out of bed in the morning.  They can provide love and comfort to distract.  What they cannot do is take away the sting of those words.  Those very words of, "I love you, but I'm not in love with you".  They cannot rid you of the darkness.

Darkness is a crazy little thing.  It can either rock your faith or strengthen it OR in my case, help you find it.  My darkness left me reaching for something to cling to. Something to keep afloat.  My darkness led me to Christ.  My darkness was my gift.  

Meet my "little" Aniya! How adorably cute is this little girl?! We had so much fun roller skating last night.

Habitat Saturday!

Saturday I spent my morning with my fellow Sunshine workers at the local Habitat house.  We managed to paint (second coat) this house in about an hour.  All hands on deck makes for serious progress.  It's a good thing too because 2 hours into our day the weather went sour and it began POURING down on us.  Fortunately we were able to move our crew inside.

It's a common misconception that Habitat houses are free to the owners but that's not how it works at all.  Recipients are required to come up with a down payment, put in so many sweat equity hours and they have a mortgage to pay just like me & you.  It's really a great program and I've enjoyed watching this project progress.

 Last time I was here we installed insulation and it was COLD out.  It was neat to see finished walls, tiled flooring and a front porch!  I was also able to meet and work right alongside the recipient of this very house.  I pray great things to come for her and her children.  Here's a little pic from the first time I was here with my sisters. ------------------------->

Share the Road!

For those that know me, you know I cycle.  It's a passion that was passed on from my darling hubby. I recently received the raddest bike from him as a gift and I've been putting the miles in whenever I can (and the weather cooperates).

Cycling is so therapeutic.  It takes me places physically and mentally that a car just can't.  However, it can be incredibly dangerous as well.  I stick to the road, so far, and that tends to make it even worse as I'm dealing with cars/trucks.  I live in a town that is not well educated on the "share the road" movement.  They hear that and think strictly motorcycles.  If the only knew this applies to bicycles as well I would have a lot fewer close calls.  

I can't even count the amount of times the hubs and/or I have been... 

1. Honked at.  Do you realize how scary this is when a vehicle comes from behind at 60+ mph and you're not expecting it?  It's LOUD & frightening...enough to make a cyclist wreck.  
2. Cussed and/or yelled at (awesomeness & classy)
3. Driver giving you ZERO extra space. "Hey buddy, you're going 60 mph in a VEHICLE, do you realize what draft that produces?  When you give me zero space I become a kite in your draft"
4. Stuff thrown at us.  Luckily this only happened once to me and it hit my helmet.  What is wrong with people?!

It really is as simple as this...

1. Treat me as another vehicle
2. It's okay to pass a cyclist, with CAUTION!  see #1
3. Think of it this way, if you saw a cop and/or car pulled over on the side of the road, you give them the lane, correct?  Give me the same courtesy.  Yes, I ride close to the road.  There is a very good reason I do! (but I won't bore you with it)

You see, cyclists have the right to the whole lane!

I do encounter a lot of very polite and courteous drivers that do the right thing but it's the ones that don't that could one day ruin an entire family's life, as well as their own.  Stepping off my soap box now but I'll leave you with this...

""Little" Number Two

In Sept 2014 I was matched with my first "little" through the Big Brothers Big Sisters program.  She was super shy and rather hard to get to know but slowly we were getting to know each other better.  Arranging events/time with my little was challenging and often frustrating.  Unfortunately, she moved twice within the few short months we were matched.  Eventually they up and moved out of the city and didn't tell me until I called to pick her up.  This ended our match.  To be completely honest I was okay with the match ending.


Being a "big" can be frustrating at times and to be honest I was struggling with my match. It wasn't her, it was me.  I wasn't sure I was ready for such a big responsibility.  I was struggling with how hard it was to get her to open up or express/share anything with me.  Maybe it wasn't the right match?  Maybe I was still being too selfish with my time? Whatever it was, I'm not entirely sure, probably a mix of a lot of things. I'm sad to see my "little" being moved from house to house, school to school, city to city.  It's not good on her.  I know a stable figure and role model is something this girl needs more than most kids. 


I took a break from BBBS for a couple months to regroup.  I thought long and hard about whether I even wanted to give it another shot.  It boils down to this, these kids need my time more than I do.  I can help. I can give them something they can depend on.  I can add smiles and laughs to their days.  I can do this.  I want to do this.  So I shall.


I received my "little" bio today.  Match #2 coming soon!

Rolling Right Along

Our family is hoping to participate in a mission trip this Fall.  Our pastor ended the Sunday lesson a few weeks ago with a quote that resonated with me.  I'm sharing it with you in hopes that you too will not only read it, but genuinely feel it as I did.  

Wiping Off The Dust

WOW! It's been an entire year since I've posted on what once was a weekly, sometimes daily, life journal.  I couldn't even recall the password!  I was locked out of my own account.

So here I am, back at it.  I'm hoping to be a little more disciplined from here on out.  So much has changed, yet so much has stayed the same.  Post surrogacy life was quite a change for me in the beginning.  Who was I?  For so long, I had been "a surrogate" and right along with wife and mother the title had been a huge part of who I was.  It directed what I did, what I ate, what I said. Now I was minus that title, or was I?  It's permanently engraved on my heart but the responsibilities have escaped.

So what's life like now?  After about the first month things slid right back into place.  I'm not even sure how it's possible to forget but I do!  I forget.  I forget that one short year ago I was pregnant. I forget that one short year ago this wild ride reached it's climax.  I forget on a regular basis.

Fast forwarding to the now...this my friends is where a new adventure begins.  What it will be...I'm not certain.  Where it will lead...who knows but Let's Go!  I could go on and on about the wonderful things that came from my surrogacy experience but my favorite (next to Graham himself of course) is the lesson to do less dreaming and more doing.  So that's exactly what I'm doing, changing all those I'd Love To into I DID!  

Full steam ahead...

How Are You Feeling??

That's the question of the day, actually every day.  Every day I see someone for the first time since delivering Graham, they always ask, "How are you feeling?".  But, it's usually with a tilted head and half smile as if they're waiting for me to break down in tears.  Sort of that same look of sympathy you get when you've lost a loved one.  Don't get me wrong, I know they're genuinely concerned and I greatly appreciate people checking in on me.  I've felt so much love from so many people since delivering.  I'm sure it's probably hard for some of them to believe me but I'm doing really great.  I'm so full of joy that sadness really hasn't even had much of an opportunity to creep in.       

Don't get me wrong, I did have a little window a couple days ago where sadness hit me out of nowhere (in the middle of Target of all places) and I cut the trip short and went home to sob for a little while.   But you know what, it actually made me feel more normal.  The emotions really hadn't hit me as I was preparing myself for them to.  From what I understand postpartum depression can be an ugly beast and my heart goes out to those that have dealt with it.  The hormones are absolutely out of whack and doing all sorts of unkind things to a woman's body after childbirth.  However, this wasn't that.  I wasn't even sure what the sadness was.  It came and went pretty quickly and it only happened once.  I later confided in the nurse (that calls to check up on you after you return home)  and she reassured me it was completely expected and normal to not know why I was crying.  It was the hormones working themselves out.

Believe it or not, I went back to work yesterday and I've even started hitting the track.  My doctor encouraged the walking and getting exercise to speed up my recovery time.  It's hard for me to wrap my mind around the fact that it was just 6 days ago that I delivered.  My recovery was nothing like this with my boys.  Of course, the deliveries of my boys weren't near as kind to my body as Graham's delivery.  I'm currently down 10 lbs and hoping to be 100%  recovered before too long so I can work on this extra stomach stuff.  They warned me to stay off the scale for a few weeks but I just couldn't help myself.         

What are we up to now?  Well, we're trying to find the norm again.  We're relishing in the photo and text updates of Graham's growth.  He is one ADORABLE little baby!!  Every picture I see of him puts a big smile on my face and melts my heart.  I'm overjoyed by the love being showered on him and his parents.  It absolutely rocks!!        

The Birth Story

So it's 4 am Wednesday Thursday (slowly losing track of days) and the need for more pain meds woke me up.  Apparently my nurse was also waiting for the right opportunity to draw some blood so here I am wide awake.  What better time to write the birth story.  So that's what I shall do, while it's all still pretty fresh in my head....

Tuesday night we arrived around 7:30 pm to begin the induction.  My doctor was not on call at the time but the plan was to start the cytotec the night before to thin the cervix in preparation for a Wednesday morning delivery with my doctor.

We checked in and got settled in our room.  They hooked me up to the monitors in order to keep an eye on baby and myself before they decided exactly how they wanted to begin the meds.  After watching us for a while they decided to proceed with the cytotec.  At this point I was 1 cm dilated and about 60% effaced (or thinned out).

I was told to just rest in preparation for a big morning.  So we did.  Well, we tried.  I think I got around 4 hours of on and off again sleep.  Poor hubs, he attempted to sleep on a pull out chairbed but it definitely wasn't designed for anyone over about 5' tall.  He must've been pretty exhausted though because I did hear a snore or two here and there. 

This is where it gets a little fuzzy on the time.  I recall the on call doctor coming in  very early in the morning and I was, I believe, about 2 cm by this point and somewhere around 90% effaced.  The contractions were getting horribly painful and I was seeking out the epidural but until I started to show progress it wasn't an option.  They were ready to push the Pitocin and I wasn't sure how I could handle the contractions getting worse.  I've never experienced that sort of pain ever in my life.  I recall having painful contractions with my sons' births but nothing on this level.  I was trying everything for relief, walking, rocking, standing, squatting, breathing...absolutely no relief.  At some point the nurse could tell the contractions were getting close so she decided to check me again and I had made it to a 3.  She consulted with the doc and was given the green light to order my epidural.  This was my saving grace.  I knew relief was on the way and all I had to do was get through a few more contractions.  This would be when the puking began.  When my pain level gets to a certain point, I'm a puker. 

Eventually the epidural arrived and within about 10-15 minutes the whole labor experience took a turn for the better.  My pain was gone.  My mood was euphoric.  (God Bless a man named Dr. John Bonica...if you're not sure who that is, google it.  I'm pretty sure he's the greatest inventor of all time).  I was able to relax, get the Pitocin started for better, stronger contractions and enjoy the rest of the experience. 

My doctor ended up arriving Wednesday morning around 7:30ish to check in on me.  He was ready to get things rolling and so were we.  This is when it all started to progress rapidly.  Within a 5 minute period I went from 3 cm to 7 cm and 90% effaced.  They had me flip from side to side to work on thinning out my cervix, and it worked.  In what seemed like a matter of minutes they were prepping the room for delivery.  Lights down, stirrups up, nursery team assembled.  It was go time.  At 9:15 my doctor arrived.  I was fully dilated and ready to go.  It was beyond amazing to me that I was so comfortable.  No pain.  No fears.  The atmosphere in the room was so relaxing and crazy for me to say but fun.  I was actually enjoying labor.  This isn't something I had ever experienced before.  I was able to push and it didn't hurt.  At all.  I was able to look around and take in E's reaction to seeing her son be born.  It was a feeling out of this world.  It, along with all the other encouragement and love surrounding me at that moment motivated me to push with all my might.  Within 30 minutes of pushing out came little Graham.  And I do mean little, he weighed in at 6 lbs 14 oz and was absolutely perfect in every way. 

I recall looking at my husband and his eyes spoke everything I was thinking at that very moment.  We had done it.  After 41 weeks of working on getting to this very moment, we had made it.  Our reward was beginning.  We were about to witness Graham be reunited with his mother and father.

I wish I could have bottled up the emotions that were running through us at that very moment.  It's an experience and feeling that he and I will never forget.  It's a feeling that he and I shared that very few others will ever get to feel.  In all the wonderful moments the hubs and I have experienced together, this has ranked itself up towards the top.  It was a feeling of love that we hadn't experienced before.  We were in love with love itself.  We weren't in love with a tangible thing, we were in love with an experience, with a moment.  A moment that we, along with the help of many others, had created.  It was a very humbled sort of pride.  We weren't looking for praise or words of affirmation.  We didn't need it, we were witnessing first hand, with our very own eyes the confirmation as to why we chose to partake in surrogacy.  We were seeing why God chose us, what He wanted us to see, what He wanted us to feel.   
 

 

 

 

Happy Birthday, Graham!

Happy Birthday sweet little Graham!

 

March 5, 2014

9:47 am

6 lbs 14 oz

 

 

It's late and I'm exhausted but I wanted to share the great news!  Details to follow...tomorrow. 

41 Weeks

Yep, still here and still pregnant...41 weeks to be exact.

Friday I had a non-stress test that basically just told us Graham is doing well and no need to worry about his late arrival.  He's hanging out and having a good time I guess.

Yesterday I went back for another non-stress test and same story.  Only this time we also visited with my doctor.  My zero dilation had turned to a whopping 1.  Not real great progress but at least something to show the doc I was headed in the right direction.  He asked if I wanted to induce or wait it out.  Of course I chose induction.  I'm ready.  The hubs is ready.  E&G are most definitely ready.  It's time to get this show on the road.  It's time for us to have a birthday celebration!!!   So he made the arrangements for me to arrive at the hospital tonight to insert a pill to soften the cervix.  Then I am to rest until the morning which is when they will start the Pitocin.

Except if you've followed this story thus far you know that Graham doesn't like to go by the play book.  He always likes to mix things up a bit.  Around midnight last night I was starting labor on my own.  The contractions were about every 7 minutes and painful.  Not so much I couldn't breathe through them but they were definitely the "real deal".  So I sent the hubs after his mom to watch our sleeping children.  When they arrived back at the house we packed up and headed to the hospital.  I was checked and still at a 1.  They did several hours of monitoring and my dilation didn't change so around 8 am they sent us back home and said to come back at scheduled induction time tonight.  So that is where we're at.  I'm at home, contracting, uncomfortable at times, but managing to squeeze in sleep, shower and some last minute chores. 

I hope to be posting a birth story next time I log in.  Until then, a big thank you to everyone for all the wonderful wishes and prayers.  God has truly blessed our family to allow us this journey with Graham and all of his family.  We're completely overwhelmed by the kindness they have showered us with and a simple thank you just doesn't quite express our gratitude enough.  You've opened your family and your hearts to us and we are eternally grateful.  We are forever changed. 

#stillpregnant

Obviously plans changed a bit since the last time I posted.  On Tuesday I went in for pre-op bloodwork and a quick visit with my doctor.  He wanted check one last time for position and dilation before we proceeded with the C-section on Wednesday.  To his surprise, and mine, Graham had flipped.  He was now head down so the C-section was cancelled.  However, I was still not dilating so he wouldn't schedule the induction either.  His order was for me to go home and wait.  Great news wrapped in upsetting news. 

Yesterday, I had a non-stress test that went well.  Graham is doing great and just chilling out.  I didn't see my doctor though.  I'm on schedule to return for another non-stress test on Monday morning followed by a visit with my doctor. 

The plus side of all of this...our family is getting to spend some great, quality time with Graham's mom and dad.  We even had the privilege of meeting his grandpa.  Such great people! 

I'm trying my best to remain patient but it's driving my crazy not knowing just when he's going to decide "now is the time".  It's weird knowing it could be minutes from now, hours, or possibly even days.  We're so very close but have a little more waiting.  It's okay though, we know it'll be absolutely worth it!   

2 days to go!

Last night was incredibly rough.  As mentioned before I'm dealing with some painful headaches and last night was no exception.  I woke in the middle of the night with a bad one.  I could feel it not only in my head but in my neck.  I popped a few pills and slapped a hot washcloth on my head and thought I'd get right back to sleep.  Negative.  On top of the awesome headache I also had a sudden case of insomnia.  I was wide awake.  So I did what most insomniacs do, I tinkered on the Internet.  I wasn't looking for anything in particular, just trying to occupy myself while everyone else slept.  Once the medicine kicked in and the pain started to lessen I managed to fall back asleep to some really, really weird dreams.  The hubs always laughs and rolls his eyes when I say this but they do say vivid dreams are a side effect of pregnancy...http://www.webmd.com/baby/features/vivid-dreams-of-pregnant-women.  So, the hubs can laugh all he wants but if it's on the internet it must be true, right?!  ;) 

This morning the headache was back in full force and to be honest, I just feel "blah" all over.  Definitely not myself.  Just to be safe I went to a local pharmacy to use their blood pressure machine to make sure it wasn't anything serious.  I'm relieved to say my blood pressure came back as 119/80.  I feel much better knowing.

Last but not least...today is my last day of work.  I'm officially on maternity leave until I feel well enough to return.  I'm blessed to have such a supportive employer!    

 

Going The Distance

I'm that lady.  No matter how many prior pregnancies I've had, I will go the full 40 weeks each time. 

I've been having pretty good headaches the past couple of days.  The kind where I have to shut off the lights and find a really quiet spot to ride it out.  The headache meds have been helping but not completely.  My ankles are swelling too when I'm on my feet too much.  My energy level has really declined as well.  I'm sure somehow, someway it's just my body responding to the 40 week mark.  I keep pushing the fluids and I try to stay off my feet for the most part but with two kids to tend to it's a challenge at times.  I'm fortunate that they're old enough to do things for themselves, it's just they don't always want to...we're working on that.

I'm squeezing in one last birthday party tonight for C, our first born and also our leap baby.  We typically celebrate on the 28th when it's not a leap year but it looks like I will be in the hospital on his birthday.  He's being a really good sport about it though.  He never makes much a of fuss about his birthday even though we love too. 

It's hard for the hubs and I to grasp the fact that we have a 14 year old.  When he came into this world we were two very scared, inexperienced parents.  What we didn't know was just how amazing he would make our lives.  He lit a fire in both of us that led us to some really great accomplishments.  We wanted to give our sweet baby boy the best life ever.  My hope for him is that someday when he's grown and raising a family of his own he too will experience the same.  I look forward to sharing with him how much sweeter he made our lives the very minute he entered this world. 

Happy 14th Birthday, son!  We love you.

6 Days Left

I apologize up front if this sounds like my very own pity party but I do promise I have a much better attitude and hold on it this morning.  Yesterday, not so much. 

Here's how yesterday's appointment went, in a condensed version...

Doctor walks in and first words, "Hello, Jennifer.  Looks like you'll be done next week.  Your bloodwork is scheduled for Tuesday and C-section on Wednesday."

I obviously had a deer in headlights look on my face because he said, "Didn't they tell you?".  Uhh, NO!  Last visit I was under the assumption I could think over the option for an ECV (turning the baby).  To which he quickly informed me he thought I didn't want that so he didn't take it into consideration.  All I said last week was that I wasn't sure I could handle that and he said, "of course you can".  He then tells me that it's a little late to attempt it and we should've tried at 37 weeks when the baby had more room to turn if he was able to.  At this point he was fairly certain his attempt at an ECV would be unsuccessful.  So, the option was totally off the table now.  Just great. 

I've come to accept the fact that this is what needs to be done and there's a reason it has come to this.  I must simply trust.  That's where I am at now, trusting.  And in turn, I'm beginning to allow myself to get excited.  We have a concrete plan.  We have a DATE!!!  On February 26th Graham will be arriving via C-section. 

There's only one thing that could affect this date and that is if my water breaks or I go into labor before the 26th.  My doctor explained that typically when a baby is breached, or even in proper head down position, and your water breaks the baby drops and the head or butt compresses on the opening of the cervix preventing the umbilical cord from slipping through.  When baby is laying sideways and the water breaks, the cord could slip down and through the cervix causing a life threatening situation.  The one thing I do have going for me that leads him to believe this wouldn't happen is that my cervix is closed tight, no dilation at all.  He checked yesterday.  If my water is to break or I go into labor before the 26th then I am to head to hospital right away and a C-section would be performed that day.

Here's a pretty good video about the C-section procedure if you're interested in watching but I must warn you it is graphic so watch at your own risk.  http://bcove.me/54by7fuo  I've heard stories of other's C-sections but I wanted to actually see it for myself so I googled.  Yes, I google and I google often. 

I know I'll be scared the day of but I'm more concerned about my husband!  We've had the discussion and he confided in me that he didn't think he could get through it without passing out.  He wants so badly to be there for me and I want him there as well but we're both scared.  The last thing either of us need is additional worry that day.  I really don't want to get my hopes up but we're going to try to sweet talk the nurses or someone into sweet talking my doctor into allowing us to sneak Graham's mom (or dad) into the operating room with us.  I know the odds are stacked against us but we'll never know if we don't at least ask.  Knowing our situation I pray that they have a little extra compassion and understanding that day.    

There's more to how I'm feeling emotionally about this but it's not the most positive, uplifting attitude to have and I'm trying super hard to squash it.  So far so good.

In Case You Are Wondering...

Yep, still pregnant.  Patiently awaiting his arrival.  39 weeks and...

38 Week Visit

Yesterday was my 38 week checkup.  It started with an ultrasound to figure out how Graham is laying.  The results...

He's transverse, or laying left to right instead of head up or down.  It looks a lot like the pic above only he is facing outwards.  This explains a LOT of my discomfort as far as bending and breathing.  It's a much tighter fight for him and puts more pressure on the both of us.  What I've always thought to be his butt tucked into my right ribcage is actually his head.   

Obviously he cannot come out this way so we're looking at three possibilities right now:

1. ECV - this is where the doctor tries to turn the baby with this hands.  It involves a little medication to relax the uterus and fetal monitoring to make sure baby tolerates it well.
2. C-section
3. Wait it out and see if he flips on his own, if he doesn't and I go into labor, well then we're pretty much just left with the C-section option

My head was spinning after we left the office and I didn't know what to do.  I was so confused.  Everything up until this point has been the norm.  I've carried two of my own children and it's all been fairly routine.  This was uncharted territory.  This was a big decision.  This was a decision I wasn't prepared to make.  Last blog I posted about only making decisions affecting my care, well here I am having to decide something that has overlapped Graham and I.  Yes, this affects my care but in turn also affects Graham's.  That was a little more pressure than I woke up prepared for.

D and I spent a little time just sitting in the parking lot after the appointment.  I think we were both a little dazed and caught off guard.  I may have shed a tear or two but D has always been amazing when it comes to talking me through stressful situations.  He said all the right things and helped me remember that whatever the decision, it will be His plan, not ours.  Have I mentioned how blessed I am to have such a wonderful husband?!

After much thought and a good night's rest ("good?!"...okay, that's a stretch) I've decided I'm going to give the ECV a shot in hopes to avoid the C-section.  If it works, fantastic!  If it doesn't, then C-section it is.  Or perhaps Graham will just surprise us all with his own plans.

38 Weeks

I just finished completing the hospital birth plan this afternoon.  It involved a lot of questions about my wishes before, during and after delivery.  Such as...

 

• Who gets to be present during birth?
• Who gets to hold baby first?
• Do you want to see the baby after birth?
• Who do you want to cut the cord?
• Do you want the baby and parents allowed in your room?

 

To be honest, the only questions I feel I should have say so in are the ones concerning my care but that's not quite the way it works.  The hospital sees the woman that delivers as the decision maker until they get legal papers in their hands telling them otherwise. 

 

Luckily D & I have had great communication with Graham's mom and dad so we know what their wishes are and those are the ones we will respect.  My "go to line" if the nurses ask me questions about Graham is going to be, "I'm not sure, you should probably ask his mom and dad" and I will take such pleasure from those words.  I know they're eager to take over their role as mom and dad and the hubs and I are going to be so full of joy as we sit back and observe. 

 

I don't know that either of us could have guessed what surrogacy would require of us emotionally and/or physically but we do know this...it has taught us so much about ourselves and about love.  In the process I hope that it has also taught our sons a thing or two as well about God's love.